We are all really the same person

One of the major things that I've learned while wedding planning and mainly while wedding blogging...is that we are all pretty much the same person. The similarities between wedding journeys is uncanny. We see the same posts written over and over from different perspectives. Yeah, sometimes its redundant. But sometimes it needs to be redundant.

We all worry about how our weddings are going to look (is it too WIC!? is it too Indie!?) We all try to have a wedding that is 'creative' and 'unique' (or as the Knot puts it so bluntly, 'wowing our guests') We all fret over our dress, shoes, accessories, hair, and makeup. We all consider whitening our teeth. We all put ourselves down about our weight and worry that we won't look good enough. We all worry about people having a good time at the wedding and enjoying themselves. We all cry and freak out at some point (more likely many points).

All this to say that our wedding journeys are uncannily alike and follow that very familiar arch of "I'm gonna do this thing! YEAH!" to "um...maybe tomorrow.." to "WTF, MY LIST IS EATING ME ALIVE!" We check out the WIC world, get freaked out, rebel, find blog land, give a big sigh of relief, and then settle in to the work of making the wedding happen.

And I love that this community is here to help us work it out. But the other major thing that blog land has done for me is to make me realize how similar we all are and how I'm not alone. And that is invaluable.

Its been major for me to stop judging myself, because come on, thats kinda what it all is. We are worried about other people judging us but if we weren't first judging ourselves it wouldn't matter what other people thought.

And we all want to fit in and feel 'normal' and blog land has made me see that (crazy as it is) freaking out about a wedding, no matter how 'practical' you try to be...is in fact normal.

So ease up, gal.

Unexpected things I learned from my wedding

There is one thing I've said so many times that it could possible be my wedding mantra, and it is that ''weddings are crazy!" And they are. In all sorts of good ways, bad ways, and just plain crazy ways.

I'm still trying to figure out what I think of our wedding. I can't contain it in any neat little statements. I can't say it was all one thing or another. Because it was pretty much everything. Perfect and disappointment together. And I think thats just the way weddings roll. (Did I mention that weddings are crazy? Because they really are.)

But I did learn a lot from planning and executing a wedding. Some of these things came as quite a surprise...ok, most of them!

• I improved my decision making ability. Really, I was so indecisive at the beginning it was crazy! But at the end, I was all big bang BOOM, decided! One of my bridesmaids told me I was scary on the day of because she would come ask me a question, I'd stare at her for a second while I thought it out, and then say yes or no. Simple. Done. Next! (I may also have had a crazed look on my face that morning. I'm going to call it the 'determination face'.) I'm suspicious that a large part of this improvement in decision making has also come from the improvements I made in living with a decision once its done. Learning that sometimes you just gotta pick something and it does have to be perfect. (See Barry Schwartz on choices. One of my new favorite theories that I'm trying to apply heavily to my life.)
  
• Some people, no matter what, won't dance. So don't try to make them. I learned how to host a party and not get all bothered about whether or not people are having a good time. I had a good time. I provided the opportunity for them to have a good time. If they didn't, I'm not going to let that rest on my shoulders.
  
• I learned how to be bitchy and stand my ground and not back down and all that jazz. But I also learned to negotiate better (especially with certain difficult family members). And in the end, I think our relationships are better for it. Partially because we worked through some things and partially just because we can now go back to normal life and not have to deal with BIG issues anymore! Yay, avoidance!
• I learned that large amounts of money are really tough to spend. But that once its gone...I can't say I miss it. Yeah, I could do lots of things with those thousands of dollars. But I spent it on a wedding. Money is money and that's all.
• The wedding bought out the best in some and the mediocre in others (luckily we didn't have to deal with the worst of anybody!). It made me really grateful for those who really came through for us. (and I want to give an extra special should out to Ski Bum Bridesmaid! I know you're stalking! Hi!) It also put my tolerance for dramatic, pessimistic, insincere people at an all time low. Life is too short for that! I want to surround myself with people who are happy, positive, sincere and who make my life better.
  
• It made me see what I want in my future. I want those friends and family in my life who mean the most. I want to be surrounded by happy, uplifting people who know how to have a good time. I want to be a happy and uplifting person for others. I want to create a community with all these good people! I want to commit to my choices and not look back! I want to lose stress, worry, anxiety, self esteem issues, and live life!
  

Better by the hour

There was the moment after the wedding where I asked myself the big question: Was it worth it?

And then I sat there baffled. I couldn't answer it! Part of me remembered the eight months of craziness, stress, crying, fights with the beau, anger, frustration, etc. Then there is the matter of spending eight months of my time planning for one day. Then there is the intense matter of spending thousands of dollars on said single day. Was it worth it!? How can all that be worth one day!?

But it was more than just that one day. All that time spent planning gave me more than just a wedding. It gave me those lessons learned about us as a couple, about me as an individual, about what family means to us, about how much I like spending time with my mom and wish I saw her more, about what great friends I have who are willing to go out of their way and spend many of their own hours on "just one day" for me, and so on. And I thought about how much the process has changed me and how much fun some of it was.

I still haven't quite worked out my answer to that question...but I'm working on it. And I have a feeling it may not be a simple yes or no answer. Me and simple just don't get along like that. But me and complicated? We're best buds.

One thing I have noticed, though, is that I definitely like the wedding best after its over. Specifically a week or two since its been over. The slight tinges of regret or disappointment that I felt right after are slowly fading away and starting to matter less and less. My love of our ceremony and the time spent up there holding his hands is starting to matter more and more.