My mama and I have a great relationship...most the time. But I swear, there is something about wedding planning that takes us normal people and flips that switch to crazy. And the drama switch. And some chemical reaction just melts are brains so nothing makes sense any more and the smallest decisions seem monumental. ("But what if our cake stands don't MATCH!?!?")
And as the wedding day nears, I'm nervous. For lots of reasons. And one of them is freaking out on the day of as we set up and get ready. Me freaking out. My mom freaking out. My mother-in-law freaking out. All this freaking out making my future hubs freak out! and then it'll just be chaos! chaos, I tell you!!!
Not if I can damn well help it!
Me and my mums had a lovely conversation the other day where I told her I was just slightly worried about us freaking out. At first she seemed a little affronted, and then she said, "Yeah, I'm worried I'm going to freak out, too." So I asked, "Mom, how can we go about not killing each other the day of?" and we came up with a plan to not commit murder on the day of the wedding.
- First thing Mama said was that my organization really helps her. So having lists of what she is supposed to bring, what she is supposed to do, whats happening when, etc. and letting her see these ahead of time is a big plus. Seeing them ahead of time lets her ask questions, clarify items, and make sure we are all on the same page.
- Second thing we both noted is that we have a tendency to get annoyed, hold it in, and then burst. Instead of bursting, we are both going to try very hard to voice our issues sooner if they arise.
- Third, to avoid frustrations, being clear is key. And a lot of this is going to start with me. I need to be clear on what I'm expecting of people. I am also going to make a point to tell people that I need them to be helpful and do what we ask...this is not the time for opinions! Its the time to DO! Also, I need to be clear on how thankful I am for their help. No one wants to help a pushy, ungrateful bride.
Any suggestions on how not to kill people?
Any suggestions on how to broach this topic with a MIL or other helpers who might be troublesome?
Peace!
Jen
* Image from Five Film Plus, fun story: growing up, my mom would get frustrated with my brother and I for whatever dumb stuff we were doing and get whipped into a yelling fury. Sometimes, instead of being scared or behaving...we'd run around in circles yelling "Mad-mom-martigan! Mad-mom-martigan!" I'm sure that really help my mom's temper at the time. :) Love you, Mom!
I like your plan. My plan is more to surround myself with people who will be willing to tell me gently that I need to go to my happy place and get some alone time if I start freaking out. I'm also trying to accept the possibility that some chaos is a bit inevitable but a little chaos doesn't mean the universe will end. I hope.
ReplyDeleteSitting down and talking about your freak out worries is really mature if you ask me. It's like heading off the problem before it arrives. I think just opening up the lines of communication is really the best thing you can do.
ReplyDeleteWith your MIL, perhaps ask her if there is anything she is extremely worried about, and then transition that into, let's figure out a plan to not freak out too.
Oh man. I could talk all night about some of the mom issues I had.
ReplyDeleteI tried and tried to avoid any day of confrontations with her, but it didn't work. Which made me really sad. I didn't want to tell my mom on my wedding day that she wasn't helping me by not following my schedule. That I needed her to do what I asked, 100%.
I did have my girlfriends around me to help um, cajole my family members into place, to create a barrier between their stress and actions.
But, I did find it helpful to talk with my mom about two weeks before the wedding. The issue is that she would do something 75% of the way I wanted her to. I had to explain that every teeny tiny detail and plan was the result of HOURS and HOURS of conversation between the husband and I. It wasn't a whim, it wasn't a shot in the dark, but serious thought and consideration.
It was one of the most stressful times for me. Not sure if this was helpful.. but I'm happy to email with you!
You're such a smartie. Talking things through is probably the best thing you could do to head off wedding day homicide. As for your MIL, I say, try to do the same thing with her if possible. If you're not 100% comfortable bringing it up, maybe your husband to be could have a preliminary conversation with her and then you could talk to her solo. Or you could both talk to her about it. Just tell her what you told us, that you're just trying to prevent anyone from stressing on the wedding day, and hopefully she'll be as open about it as your mom was. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks, ladies!
ReplyDelete@ KWu, definitely find those people! I have one friend who I gave the job of 'buffer' for the day - to buffer stress away from me and help me stay sane.
@ Ms Bunny, thanks! thats a good way to start the MIL conversation, thanks for the advice!
@ Maura, I'm going to take that to heart and explain that to both my mom and my MIL. That this is not whim, all these details have been deliberated.
@ Miss F.P, oh simplicity. I think its true that the more I just say what I mean, the better it goes. Thanks!
ReplyDeletei am now forwarding these ideas to my own mother. and with the MIL, i got nothing. :) i'm hoping Josh will be the one to get an earful of that.
ReplyDeleteGood plan!
ReplyDeleteMy Mum is doing all of her stressing now, I think. She is too shy to get too involved on the day.
super impressed by this! I am responding to my crazy family by shutting my ringer off. I am taking the totally immature approach
ReplyDelete