I was having a fit of insecurities about the wedding yesterday. One moment I’m worried that our wedding will be judged too cheap, us too lazy, or the style too “whimsical”.* The next, I feel like its turning into some formal, boring, stuffy, soulless, totally not unique wedding. I worried about regretting decisions, about not feeling like our wedding represents us well enough, and about spending all this money for nothing. Pretty much just a hot mess of worry where the worry is like wedding acid and disintegrates all happy thoughts and not even my beloved garlands are safe!**
Mid mild freak out, I was clinging to any and every sincere piece of our wedding I could find. The ring warming ceremony. The awesome charity favor idea that we are doing instead of useless crap. The awesome, concise guest list that we retained total control over. The two amazing ladies I will have standing up for me. These pieces that I feel good/great about and am excited for were like my wedding security blanket.
But I'm sick of fight back wedding insecurities. Its silly, annoying, and not productive. Insecurities do not check things off the Mondo To-Do List! So insecurities really just need to die. Die and never come back.
They are not dead yet, but I'm working on it. And here for you today I have the top 10 things I've learned to battle insecurities:
1) Remember that I'm marrying a completely amazing guy. Total win for me! Beat that, insecurities!
2) We wanted a big, fun party and that's what we are doing. And because this big, fun party is our wedding...well, its going to look a lot like traditional weddings. Whether we feel 'traditional' or not, that's part of the wedding territory.
2.5) because wedding = tradition. By extension: our wedding = traditional.
3) We are going to have 90 or so guests at our wedding. This means mixing lots of different family and friends. I'm pretty sure ALL of them will disagree with at least one of our choices for the day. But our goal is not to please them. Our goal is to have a meaningful wedding for us.
4) Its ok that they will disagree with at least one of our choices for the day. That doesn't mean they are going to look down on us. Different choices for different people.
5) If they do look down on us, they are weenie heads.
6) This is the first wedding I've ever planned (and I hope the last *crosses fingers*) and don't really know whats going on most of the time. I'm learning as I go and making lots of it up as I go. So me, give self a break.
7) Of all the important details, I have control over the most important of all. My mood. If I don't want to be upset, I don't have to be. Magic.
8) All the details are meant to set a celebratory mood and the detail that does that best? A couple who is giddy with love and excitement and beaming smiles wins over any arrangement of flowers or vintage anything.
9) The wedding planning - fun parts, stressful parts, insecurities, all of it! - is a great learning experience. Ya know...the whole "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" bit.
10) And again - WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!! Eff the rest! WEEEEEE!!!!!!
* Story: I was getting together with my mom and two of my aunts. Before I had arrived, they had put together two mock up tall centerpieces. One was something my aunts came up with and was very beautiful and could have come straight out of Martha Stewart Weddings. The other was based on the ideas I had been throwing around and was very colorful and different. They showed them off to me, compare and contrast, pros and cons, and then one of my aunts asked, "Ok, so which one do you like? This one, which is very classic and elegant... or this one... which is... well, lets call it 'whimsical'." (with disapproving tone on "whimsical") Can you guess which one was the creation of my brainstorming and creative, cheapskate juices? Can you guess which one I picked and which one we are going with for the wedding? Can you guess how auntie wrinkled her nose at my proclamation that whimsical was the complete winner over Martha inspired centerpiece? le sigh.
** Over dramatic much?
Dramatic? Not at all. We worry because we care. If we didn't worry, well we'd be bride zombies with only one thing on our mind- brains. I really like this post, Jen. I mean... it's nice to identify with another bride who goes through some unsure moments, but comes out triumphant (ie. your dress debate). It spreads confidence and good vibes. I'm glad you chose your 'whimsical' centerpiece. You should post some pics!
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sure your top ten list will grow as you get closer and closer to August!
Yes, down with wedding insecurities!! Off with their heads! One thing I try to remember was actually a bit of advice I once read on an interior design blog, I think, just about how your style doesn't have to match a theme or be something that an art student one day would write a paper on, but it's inherently unique and awesome because you picked it out because you like it. That lifts a lot of stress for me because it far simpler to just consider what I like, and it's fine to like what I like (that bit is to ward the part of modern weddings that seems to be, please let us display our superior and classy taste in aesthetics and purchases etc.)
ReplyDelete@ Angie - "We worry because we care" true that! I totally haven't thought to post pictures of our centerpieces or other craftiness. But we are doing some fun things. And I'm by no means a super crafty person. So its all super easy stuff that I think still looks great!
ReplyDelete@ KWu Thats a great thing to remember - I avoid the 'themes' as best I can for that exact reason. As I've said before, our theme is 'happy'. Thats it. We are mixing and matching everything as long as its colorful and fun!