I was reading Angie's post over at One Cat Per Person today and got to thinking about categories. About how we need them, love to put everything we can in them, and how hard they are to ignore. For wedding planning there seems to be the indie camp and the traditional camp. Two categories of weddings that wage an "Us" vs "Them" war.But what about the in betweens?
Some days I feel like people are going to look at our wedding and go "WTF!? They call this a wedding!?" because we are skipping a lot of tradition and sometimes even subverting it. Then the next day I may be feeling like, "Holy crap, our wedding is so WEDDINGish! WTF happened? I thought we were going to be unique and special and have a wedding that is totally us!? OMG!" *spaz spaz*
First of all, if I were to describe us as a couple...I would not use the word indie OR the word traditional. We are somewhere in between. So our wedding is going to be us and be somewhere in between.
But like I said, we all love to put things in categorizes to help us better understand them. To give them a framework so we can say, ok, I see what is going on.
When planning our limited decor with my mom and my aunts, they kept trying to put a 'theme' or category to it. I'd say how I liked birds and saw this cute little bird that I wanted to hide in the branches of our centerpiece and suddenly they were off planning a bird themed wedding! Our wedding is involving trees in a few ways and is going to be kinda low key, so at one point they decided this meant it was an eco-garden party! Off they went, super excited about all the garden or bird theme items we could include.
They really, really seemed to want a cohesive 'theme' or category to be able to decorate by- something easily identifiable. So I had to keep reigning them in and explaining that no theme (besides my declared theme of "happy") was going to be happening. It was just going to be a mix and mash of pretty things that generally go together. Colors, fun poof balls, maybe some lanterns, some tree pieces worked in....but nothing really easily identifiable.
Now, I'm kinda pointing my fingers at my poor mom and aunties about their need to categorize, but its me too. In some aspects we are having a "eff it" wedding and in some we are having a traditional wedding. And I need to get over trying to fit our wedding anywhere. But that's a hard natural urge to get over - the desire to fit in, to be 'normal'. And for something as public and personal as a wedding, its no wonder that desire is stupidly strong. Even when I thought I was a big girl who was over the junior high insecurities and could be comfortable in my own skin... I think I finally am comfortable in my own skin, but I'm not so comfortable yet in my wedding/couple/public declaration of love skin.
So brain, take some notes, because heres the biz: Forget trying to fit our wedding into any category because 1) it may not fit anywhere 2) it doesn't need to fit anywhere.
I do hope that people come to our wedding and say, "Woah, I've never seen a wedding like this!" Some will say that with a smile on their face, thinking how fun it is to see a unique wedding, while others will scowl at our disrespect to the sacred institution of marriage!
Whatever.
It is what it is and its our own.
Image from ChernobylBob
No worries! You have to teeter/totter between "it's all about what I want" and "how can i make this the least stressful day for everyone involved." You're doing a great job! No finger-pointing missy! haha. Your wedding seems like it's been really fun to plan, and that's the key. If you feel like you're not having fun and it is a particular person or person(s) stressing you out, distance yourself from them, put an intermediary between you and them, or give them a project to work on or something. (I'll have plenty of difficulty with that too).
ReplyDeleteRemember to breathe and that your family only wants to help take some of the stress...isn't it funny how when they're trying to absorb the stress is when they're usually creating the most of it??
To quote Chris Rock, "Marriage ain't sacred, Michael Jackson got married." I don't 100% agree (haha, my traditionalism peeking out for a quick 'hi!') but I will say it's about your commitment to each other. Your commitment to the sanctity of marriage will be shown when you and the mister work through tough times together and are willing to stay together through everything today's world throws at marriage to break it.
I have been off on a tangent and I'm afraid I don't sound like myself anymore...just know: We all get the teeter/totter. It can make the most level-headed woman sound crazy (planning a wedding or not).
"I'm really excited about the wedding!....I mean...I'm not one of those girls who's been planning her wedding forever...but yeah! I'm excited!...but calm...it's really about..."
Crazy. Every last one of us a little bit.
"Crazy. Every last one of us a little bit." ha! so true! and thats ok! I think I'm crazy normally, so it makes sense that I'm crazy now!
ReplyDeleteha! i've been wandering between traditional and not (indie, eff it, whatever you want to call it). actually it's felt more like wobbling between the two.
ReplyDeletefrom a young age we're taught to label everything, stick it in a category. i guess we have our own, somewhere off in the in between.
omg, yes. When I saw your comment about the "in-betweens" I was like... she nailed it. It's hard being an in-betweener. You feel pressure to have something that resembles a wedding, but you feel pressure to still be your awesomely, unique self.
ReplyDeleteBut alas, everyone wants to slap a label on anything and everything. Especially our weddings. I hate the categories and labels... they only exist so that everyone else can identify with who you are or what you believe. And the shitty thing? I do the same thing.... for the sake of blogging I used "summerdingcue" to describe our wedding. And to be honest, I really hate the way that shit sounds.... but I keep it around b/c I think it lets people know what kind of wedding we're having. But seriously, why did I even feel the need to copywrite our wedding. Ew, I feel gross.
"It is what it is and its our own" should be the theme for all of our weddings. Oh, that and love. :)
@ Davanie - lol, I concur on the 'wobbling'!
ReplyDelete@ Angie - I like your summerdingcue. Cuz I read it and go, "wtf does that mean?" and then think "oh, it means hard-to-categorize-so-don't-think-too-hard-about-it" :) Keep rockin it, girl!
PS that photo is my new favorite and inspired my new wedding face. When I feel expectations keeping me down, I squish my face and yell, "Don't box me in!" Somehow it makes me feel better...