I just got a quick little thought that has been playing around in my head about the wedding date that is zooming closer and closer (a little over two months!?!? AH!)
I used to feel like the wedding was a big deadline. Like, forget all the actual wedding stuff. I saw the wedding as a deadline for me to become awesome. To become the full version of myself. To be the strong individual I was intended to be. Or whatever. For some reason I thought this all had to happen by the time I got married.
I think its because of the idea that you shouldn't be with someone until you know yourself first. Which I think can be true and is good advice - definitely know yourself first because it makes knowing someone else intimately and them knowing you intimately so much easier! But life doesn't really work like that all the time.
I met my future husband when I was 18 and he was 22. wowza, huh? almost six years later (can you do math and figure out how old I am? I hope you can!) we are getting married. Now, do I wish we had met when I was just a wee bit older? yes. I totally could have used some more growing up time on my own. There is only so much developing you can do by 18. But we met when we did and can't change that. And I definitely knew he was a good catch and did not want to pass up on such a great guy.
So we've had a long relationship with me growing up a lot (both of us growing up a lot, really) within this relationship. That is going to happen regardless. Relationships make you grow up and grow together. I just happened to have lots more growing up to do since I was just a wee little one when we met!
Anyway. Whatever gave me this idea that I had to be my all-star self before getting married? Whatever gave me the idea that I could reach my all-star self so early at all? I dunno. But I've definitely learned that I am going to be growing up for a long, long time. Until I'm dead, in fact. So this wedding deadline that I had in my head is silly.
More than that, I've learned that this other person I've chosen, he helps me grow in ways that I never could grow on my own. He challenges me and makes me confront aspects of myself that sometimes I would rather not. Plus, I like the challenge of trying to grow as my own individual person while at the same time growing as a couple. :)
The wedding date has started to look less and less like a deadline and more and more like a kicking off point of a new joint partnership that will bring both of us higher.
And I can't wait!
This is a deep post, Jen!
ReplyDeleteI know personally I feel pressure to be 100% the Angie I'm supposed to be because I never could be that with other people I dated. Growing up with a single mother she drilled it into my head that I needed be independent, strong, self-aware, smart and brave. And that's a lot! I don't think I can name one person who is all of those things. Well, except Indiana Jones... oh, but he's married now. There goes my point!
I don't think right now I have fully grown into the person I am supposed to be. I think that stuff will happen over time with experience and with age. The beautiful thing about marriage is that we have someone to go through the growing pains with us. That's what matters.
Great post. I feel this to a certain extent too.
ReplyDeleteBut then I think, growing WITH someone is the whole point of marriage. That's the fun part. If all of the fun was over before you said "I do". what would be the point? ;)
what a great outlook! I loved that you went from imposing this 'becoming awesome dealine' (amazingly put, by the way! who doesn't do this? its like ' i m gonna to lose # of lbs, etc etc). I am so excited for you and thanks for a great post! I need to think this way when I get stressed
ReplyDeleteGrowing up is a process you go through your entire life. I'm a firm believer that a person is never fully grown up. So growing up with your significant other is perfectly fine. In fact, growing together is great! And I think you can still become independent and strong even if you are in a relationship during the formative years of your adult life. There is no right way to do anything, much less grow up. Just embrace the path you are on if it is working for you.
ReplyDelete