Thursday, July 22, 2010

Is this mean?

Quick question to you, blog land:
When the party ends, who is doing the clean up for your wedding? And are you going to be there?

We were under the impression that, as the bride and groom, we get to leave when the party leaves and continue on to our after party at the bar. But my mama disagrees. When asked if she and my dad along with the mister's parents would do the cleanup and do the checkout with our venue, she got a little huffy, thinking it mean that we would bail out.

But I wanna bail out! I don't want to go running around in my wedding dress cleaning up!* And we are hoping that the tear down won't take long and won't be hard. That we can set it up so that whatever needs to go can just be chucked back into whatever box it came in and then loaded in the car.

So what do you think? Is it fair to ask that they clean up and we get to ditch out? or is that mean?

* and when I say cleaning up, I simply mean grabbing all our decorations and packing them in the cars. no scrubbing or vacuuming necessary

(and btw, go enter to win!)


  1. It's not mean! I suggest asking a couple friends to take on the cleanup duties, perhaps as a wedding gift. The groomsmen at my sisters' wedding did the cleanup with no complaining.

  2. I think that seems fair. I did run around in my wedding dress and help clean up... like dirty dishes and stuff. One person tried to stop me, but I just felt weird sitting around as everyone else did the dirty work (and we didn't want to leave until everyone was ready - the majority of guests were gone by this point).

    Anyway, if it's important to you, I think you should keep pushing for it. But it's also not the end of the world if it doesn't work out as planned... made for some funny memories.

  3. I think it's entirely understandable to not want to have to do the packing up after the long day, and in your wedding dress too! BUT, I don't think that we are entitled to free help from friends/family for it. Entirely fair to ask, but not fair to assume positive answers.

    If people are willing, that's awesome, but if they're not, as it sounds like your mom might not be, I don't think it's fair to try to keep pushing it. I think your options are to try recruiting friends, pay for help, or re-consider doing it yourself. I don't know about your relationship with your mom but I could see mine getting a little huffy about it due to me supposedly being an adult now and yet in her eyes just going back to having my parents clean up my messes, you know? This is one of the big reasons we decided to hire a caterer after all. One of the issues I am willing to throw money it, basically.

  4. @hitched - true that, our friends are awesome and would definitely pitch in to get us out asap!

    @Margaret - yeah, I'd feel weird sitting around while everyone else does stuff... but if I wasn't even there.... lol, that sounds super mean now!

    @KWu - very fairly stated. my mom and I have a great relationship and can easily talk about this. And I definitely won't push it. But my mom has some very different ideas about this wedding... she doesn't really want to do much work at all and thinks we should just pay for everything because "its a wedding!" (i dunno what that is supposed to mean...)

    I'm thinking the best thing to do is just recruit more people so that we all pitch in, get it done really quick, and then out the door and on to the bar! WOO!

  5. This is an interesting topic. When my fiancée and I finally decided to nix using a caterer, because of the cost, one of the drawbacks was that we now had to ask volunteers to clean, because that's something the caterers would have taken care of.

    My feeling - as much as I hate the "it's your day, you do what you want" attitude, honestly, cleaning up is really not something I want any part of. I usually love to help clean up after parties, wash dishes and all that, but after my wedding I'm not going to have any interest in that. And I think that's OK. I am sure I have friends and family who'll be willing to clean up, because they love us and because they know we'd do the same for them.

  6. people are saying they won't let me help. i might have to fight them. also i am a control freak. as for you, you are not mean! it is your wedding after all. if your mom is huffy, ask others to help!

  7. I don't think it's mean. I wanna bail too... but I'm not. I'm setting up and I'm breaking down. I was also hoping people will offer to help throw things in cars and bounce, you know? We're at a park, nothing needs to be swept or vacuumed.

    I was worried about this, but a friend of mine suggested hiring two of my former students to clean up. They're coming half an hour before the reception ends and they're doing to dispose/pack/throw stuff in cars for us.

    Maybe you can do the same- put an ad on Craigslist asking for folks to help? Throw em $50? If you have friends with high-school ages siblings old enough to help, maybe ask them for help? You can always bribe them with a nice dinner or a Target gift card!

    @Lisa- NO FREAKING WAY!!!

  8. Yeah, no matter what dealing people's different expectations is never easy. I always want to tell ppl, ok sure, if you think we should just hire someone to do it, why don't you pay for it?? The balance also shifts a bit if you're paying for a wedding that's a bit of a compromise (lots of your parents' friends, etc.) That in my mind would make it more fair to expect a certain amt of pitching in from them.

    I'm glad you and your mom have the kind of relationship where you can talk it out though! That's always healthier.