Yesterday's post was a bit cryptic and left a few of your wondering. I've mulled it over in my mind a lot, have arrived at a good place, and can better share it today. So here goes!
I regret buying my dress.
I was rushed in the process and just went for the best option I had which happened to look nothing like the dress I was hoping for. Its long. Its big. Its bridal. I wanted short, simple, and fun. I wanted the dress that, when I showed it to my will be in-laws their first reaction was "thats not a wedding dress"! Not quite what I wanted to hear, but I suppose it was true - I didn't want a wedding dress. I wanted a dress to wear to my wedding. Big difference in my book.
So after being rushed into buying a dress, I was immediately consumed with dress stress. It involved crying, nightmares, many talks, many back and forth fretting... it was icky. I really tried to love my dress. Everyone told me how great it looks on me. Blah blah blah. But when its not me, its not me and there is no compliment big enough to change that.
Through all this, I knew in my heart of hearts that this dress wasn't "my" dress. And all the stressing over it and berating myself for buying in the first place just made me start resenting my dress. It made me feel dread for the wedding day when I'd have to put it on and I'd walk out and everyone would look at me. Because you know there is always that one big moment at a wedding where everyone is thinking the same thing: what does the dress look like? I came up with the plan to mingle before our ceremony to both reduce my stress and reduce that big reveal moment.
Anyway, all this to say that I don't really like my dress. It doesn't sing to me. I'm not excited to wear it.
Well, here I am two months before our wedding and no magic has happened where a great alternate dress has fallen out of the sky for me. I've lazily looked for an alternate, but to no avail. So where does that leave me? With the dress I have. Until some magic happens.
The way I'm looking at it now is this: I have a dress that people are going to ooh and aah over. I'll look great. I just may not feel like the totally me bride I wanna feel like. Whatever. Its a dress. Its a day. And my mister loves me. So I'm going to suck it up and wear the damn thing.
I will be keeping an eye open for an alternate dress, but I'm not going to stress myself out about it. Hardcore, desperate searches for a new dress only make me resent my dress more. So I'm going to stick with what I have unless I happen to come across something better. I'm going to let the universe's mojo flow. Maybe the universe will be kind to me and send me something pretty or maybe it won't. Either way, I'm letting it go.
I don't have my dream dress and I'm fully admitting that I made a bad decision to buy my dress. But whatever. It sucks but perhaps in the end it won't matter all that much.
So. That's my decision gone wrong: the dress! Thanks for listening, blog land!
Image via Brit.