Friday, July 2, 2010

My decision gone wrong

Yesterday's post was a bit cryptic and left a few of your wondering. I've mulled it over in my mind a lot, have arrived at a good place, and can better share it today. So here goes!

I regret buying my dress.

I was rushed in the process and just went for the best option I had which happened to look nothing like the dress I was hoping for. Its long. Its big. Its bridal. I wanted short, simple, and fun. I wanted the dress that, when I showed it to my will be in-laws their first reaction was "thats not a wedding dress"! Not quite what I wanted to hear, but I suppose it was true - I didn't want a wedding dress. I wanted a dress to wear to my wedding. Big difference in my book.

So after being rushed into buying a dress, I was immediately consumed with dress stress. It involved crying, nightmares, many talks, many back and forth fretting... it was icky. I really tried to love my dress. Everyone told me how great it looks on me. Blah blah blah. But when its not me, its not me and there is no compliment big enough to change that.

Through all this, I knew in my heart of hearts that this dress wasn't "my" dress. And all the stressing over it and berating myself for buying in the first place just made me start resenting my dress. It made me feel dread for the wedding day when I'd have to put it on and I'd walk out and everyone would look at me. Because you know there is always that one big moment at a wedding where everyone is thinking the same thing: what does the dress look like? I came up with the plan to mingle before our ceremony to both reduce my stress and reduce that big reveal moment.

Anyway, all this to say that I don't really like my dress. It doesn't sing to me. I'm not excited to wear it.

Bummer, huh?

Well, here I am two months before our wedding and no magic has happened where a great alternate dress has fallen out of the sky for me. I've lazily looked for an alternate, but to no avail. So where does that leave me? With the dress I have. Until some magic happens.

The way I'm looking at it now is this: I have a dress that people are going to ooh and aah over. I'll look great. I just may not feel like the totally me bride I wanna feel like. Whatever. Its a dress. Its a day. And my mister loves me. So I'm going to suck it up and wear the damn thing.

I will be keeping an eye open for an alternate dress, but I'm not going to stress myself out about it. Hardcore, desperate searches for a new dress only make me resent my dress more. So I'm going to stick with what I have unless I happen to come across something better. I'm going to let the universe's mojo flow. Maybe the universe will be kind to me and send me something pretty or maybe it won't. Either way, I'm letting it go.

I don't have my dream dress and I'm fully admitting that I made a bad decision to buy my dress. But whatever. It sucks but perhaps in the end it won't matter all that much.

So. That's my decision gone wrong: the dress! Thanks for listening, blog land!

Image via Brit.


  1. I am terrible, terrible, terrible at letting things go. Things have to be pried from my death grip, so I admire that you're setting this one off for the universe to do with what it will. There's an easier time for potential wedding magic here too, since it's not something like a lost deposit on a poorly chosen venue or something. Fingers crossed! :)

  2. Oh I know how you feel! I've been (stupidly perhaps) attempting to make my own dress, but after hours & hours of work am not sure if it looks good enough, and I have no idea where to go to buy one last minute if it all goes wrong - plus I've been telling all my friends, so I feel like I have to make it work now!

    Maybe if you put the dress away and don't think about it for a while, you'll go back to it afresh and feel better.

    If your heart of hearts says that you're not happy with it though, I reckon you should keep looking for something you really do LOVE.

  3. As proud as I am to read about your awesome attitude towards this....

    My secret hope is for you to have some wedding magic and land the dress that does make you sing. I know it's not that important and it's just a dress and it's just a day... but I don't want you to be sad. What about that asymmetrical one from DB that you posted about? That one was quite lovely... and a little rock n roll.

    Either way, Jen- Dream dress or no dream dress... it's still you wearing it and that's who FH loves. Wedding magic comes in many different forms at the time we need it most... no worries.

  4. SO I haven't made any decisions for the wedding, I don't feel great about giving you any tips on what to think or feel or whatever.

    I will say that these ladies know much more about the topic, seeing as how they've made a lot more decisions, and I can certainly listen and offer anything I have..

    Sometimes when I go shopping with my mom, I feel pressured to buy things she loves, and I actually kind of forget what I love? You know?

    But I am sure you look GORGEOUS in the dress, and maybe something different will "pop out of the sky".

    I completely agree with Bridebook - put the dress away....if your feelings don't change, don't stop looking. The dress is going to be super important to how you feel on the know?

    Sorry I don't have more for you, I'm sure it's so lovely!

  5. Ok, I was one of the ones who waxed poetic about how it looked great on you. But it's YOUR DAY. If you don't love it, ditch it! Read the comments on these ESB posts, these girls have done some serious favors for future brides by posting links to cool, short, alternative dresses. My advice? I hope you have some room on your credit card- Order more than one, order 2 or 3! Wear the one you love and just return the others. Good luck!

  6. KWu - Its hard but right now its a bit of a necessity that I sort of let go. Otherwise I'd go BONKERS!

    Angie - Thats a perfect, reassuring, and feel good comment! Thank you! If I get a new has to be one with need for little (if any) change and the DB dress is not it. So here is hoping for wedding magic!

    Lizzie - I'm hoping next time I see the dress (its with the alterations lady) that it has improved in my mind. Absense made my heart grow fonder, perhaps!

    Holli - lol, I totally love hearing advice thats like "buy! buy! buy!" with no guilt! :)

  7. bridebrook - (I totally didn't mean to miss you!) I really admire your gusto for making your own dress and really hope it works out! Because it maybe won't be perfect but how cool to say, "yeah, this dress that i'm rockin? I totally made it. I know, I'm kinda a big deal!"

  8. I'm sorry to hear about your dress sitch...I don't know what it is about the dress we wear to our weddings that send really rational women into a state of neurosis. I think your plan to keep your eye out but suck it up if need be is very logical and very adult. I'm not sure if I'd have such a mature attitude.

  9. Bring on the wedding magic... I just know it will all work out :)

  10. I had such drama with my dress. Loved it at the start - and by the end I wanted to burn it in the evil bridal store and be done with it.

    But you know what, it wouldn't have mattered what I wore on the day. Honestly. I am sure you will look amazing regardless of what you wear.

    Your dress just needs some magic mojo!